Ahh Columbus Day

I’ve never understood why Columbus Day is still a holiday. Despite growing evidence that Columbus wasn’t the first to discover America, there’s even better reasons to stop celebrating this holiday.

First of all, he didn’t land in what we currently call America. In his efforts to find the Indies, Columbus mistakenly ended up discovering the Carribean Islands and Mexico. In fact, it’s his flawed navigational skills that gave us the term “Indian.”

Believe it or not, Columbus actually made 4 voyages to the western world. In his first voyage he basically discovered Cuba. On his second he explored more of the Caribbean islands. His third voyage took him to Trinidad, and his fourth voyage landed him in Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula. Some high school text books fail to mention this. All high school text books fail to mention what follows:

It was here in the Yucatan Peninsula that Christopher left his mark on the world. Inspired by the Mayan riches, it wasn’t long before he started looting. Determined that there must be vast riches, Columbus enslaved “Indians” and sent them off into the desert digging for gold. Those who came back empty handed were accused of stealing and had their hands chopped off. Ironically, this actually caused many to steal gold to give to Columbus.

Recapping, Columbus gets lost, discovers a place that others had already discovered, steals everything in sight, mutilates the locals, and we give him a national holiday!

Maybe I’m just jealous that some of my friends get to take the day off and go golfing while I have to work, but I still don’t see why we continue to celebrate Columbus day. Maybe it’ll rain.

October 7th, 2007