March 31, 2020

Banning Bongs – and Brownies Too!

The New Jersey town of Jefferson Township is trying to pass a law that would (and I quote) ban the sale of “all equipment, products and materials of any kind that could be used for introducing into the human body a controlled dangerous substance.”

The story stems from 2 gas stations that have recently began selling glass pipes, zig zags, and bongs at the counter. It’s pretty common knowledge that most of these things aren’t used for hand rolling your own tobacco anymore. They’re used for smoking pot.

The fun part of this law though, is the wording. Just think of all the cool things that it effectively bans selling:

  • Needles. More commonly used for flu shots and insulin, the law would force diabetics to get a prescription or something for their insulin needles.
  • Dollar Bills – because rolled up they can be used for snorting coke. Of course, dollar bills aren’t sold (unless you’re at an ATM that charges a fee) so I guess these are still ok.
  • Mugs. Last I checked alcohol was still a controlled substance, and many people like to pour their beer into a nice frosty mug. It’s back to drinking your Pabst out of a can now Cletus.
  • Brownies! You know what I’m talking about. Cousin Bill’s special brownies. The only way to be safe is to ban the sale of brownie mix.
  • Pipes. That’s the purpose of this law – and if your granfather doesn’t like it he can cut the filters off his Kools.
  • Straws. Hey, there’s a recession going on. We can’t all afford to snort our nose candy through a Benjamin. Besides, the nice long bendy straws mean we don’t have to lean over so far. I guess it’s back to the pinch between your fingers method.
  • Slurpees
  • . I’m not sure about you, but when I was in high school the only the a slurpee was used for was mixing vodka so the teachers wouldn’t notice.

  • Mason Jars – because everybody is doing Jenkem now right?
  • Enemas, because we wouldn’t want a repeat of this guy would we?

That’s about all I can think of. Am I forgetting anything?

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About Ryan Jones

Ryan Jones is an SEO from Detroit. By day he works as a manager of SEO & Analytics at SapientNitro where his team performs SEO for Fortune500 clients. By night he's either playing hockey or attempting to take over the world with his own websites - which he would have already succeeded in doing had it not been for those meddling kids and their dog. The views expressed here have not been paid for and belong only to Ryan, not any of his employers or clients. Follow Ryan on Twitter at: @RyanJones, add him on Google+ or visit his personal website: www.RyanMJones.com

Comments

  1. Actually, if this law is passed, everyone in Jefferson County will need to move if they would like to continue consuming food. Nearly all foods can be laced with marijuana. Maybe you can just cut off the source and stop selling butter and all cooking oils instead?

    Funny thing, I used to live in this very county. It is full of a bunch of farmer rednecks. This sounded like some of the laws passed in the South, so it makes perfect sense.

    The reason mosts states don’t go after the sale of bongs or pipes, is because nearly anything can be rigged into some sort of pipe. A soda can is a prime example. Pop a few holes on the top for your marijuana, a carb hole on the side for your carb, and you are set!

    America, its time to start using logic to cure our drug problems. Rehab and understanding is a lot more proactive than punishment. We should pity the addict, not throw him in prison to be raped by murdering gang members (who also only exist because of the money to be made in the underground drug market).

  2. Dont forget about tin foil, bamboo, water bottles, socket wrench sockets, tubes or any type of hose, soda cans, bird feeders, cigars (blunts) spoons….. the list goes on