January 20, 2022

Cabin Fever – A Terrible Movie

While flipping through the local cable channels this weekend, Kayla stopped me at a movie called “Cabin Fever” and insisted that I watch it. We’d only missed the first 7 minutes so I said sure, why not?

About 25 minutes later, I actually had to get up and leave the room. There were so many plot holes and stupid scenes in this movie that I couldn’t take it anymore. Heck, the over use of the word “gay” was enough to make me shut it off. Here’s some of my favorite parts:

  • During a campfire scene, a guy enters and ties his dog to a tree. Later, when leaving he whistles and the dog follows him away. How? It was still tied to a tree. This wouldn’t be so bad, however later in the movie the dog plays a crucial role. All I could think about is how this can’t be happening because that dog is still tied to that tree.
  • The language. Do kids really say stuff like this? Here’s one exchange after a couple’s first kiss:

    Guy: “so, is this like, a date or something?”
    Girl: “Don’t be Gay”

    That doesn’t make any sense.

  • The decision making is completely unrealistic. Imagine if you will that you’re standing outside of your cabin and a sick man approaches you asking for help. do you:
    a.) Call a Doctor for him.
    b.) Offer to drive him into town
    c.) Say, sorry you can’t help him
    or d.) Shoot him with a rifle, set him on fire, and run away.

    These kids chose d.

Worst. Movie. Ever.

About Ryan Jones

Ryan Jones is an SEO from Detroit. By day he works as a manager of SEO & Analytics at SapientNitro where his team performs SEO for Fortune500 clients. By night he's either playing hockey or attempting to take over the world with his own websites - which he would have already succeeded in doing had it not been for those meddling kids and their dog. The views expressed here have not been paid for and belong only to Ryan, not any of his employers or clients. Follow Ryan on Twitter at: @RyanJones, add him on Google+ or visit his personal website: www.RyanMJones.com

Comments

  1. You’re right, but enough scenes in that movie mashed my squirm button so hard (when he falls in the water with the dead body, the girl projectile-vomiting blood on the windshield) I’m willing to give the film a pass.

  2. Yeah, that movie was bad enough for me to already not want to watch the movie the filmmaker made afterwards. Which was Hostel. Even as a horror movie fan who has watched some pretty bad stinkers in his day (White Noise, House of a Thousand Corpses, etc) Cabin Fever was bad enough for me to now want to watch Hostel.

    And then I heard reviews which… made me not want to watch Hostel.

    Cabin Fever was the result of a stupid mind. I won’t say “deranged” because deranged would have given a better movie. Even House of a Thousand Corpses, with its plot holes and just generally bad plot, at least had atmosphere (in parts anyway). But Cabin Fever…

    Okay, so I’m not going to go into which was the worst movie of all time or anything… but cabin fever just stunk. It was awkward, vulgar for the sake of “hey, kids will like us if we make derogatory homophobic comments” (and from what I hear of Hostel, the homophobia didn’t stop there), and “hey, if we have characters who are Gen-X, we don’t need a good/feasible/entertaining plot!”, and just generally sucked.

    I stick to my guns… the majority of movies coming out nowadays suck. The few possible exceptions are Pursuit of Happyness, Spiderman 3 (okay, so I’ll like anything Spidey…) and there might be a few others. I liked Pursuit of Happyness more for what it stood for than for what it succeeded in, though I think it was a very good film.

    Anyway, the moral of the story: if its horror and has come out in the last 5 years, only go see it if you can stomach a really crappy movie.

  3. Eli Roth’s nostrils scare me.

  4. I just thought of a director worse than Eli Roth… that would be the guy who did House of the Dead (Uwe Boll)… that guy is a horrible director. Although to be fair to Boll, he didn’t do the scripts… unlike our pal, Roth, who can be blamed both for bad directing and bad scripts.

    And Doom was a pretty wretched movie too.

  5. I can tell yall really hate that movie but i really like it i could watch it over and over untill my barf bag is full and i think that if yall really didnt like it like yall say then yall wouldnt know every detail like yall do! How many times did yall watch it!!!!!!????????

  6. your nostrils scare me stupid head