If Google Was a 13 Year Old

If Google were actually a 13 year old:

1. Results about girls would be given a significant ranking boost.
2. Occasionally a search results page would simply return “I don’t feel like doing that, leave me alone”
3. The homepage design would be a different background color every week.
4. teh s34rch rslts wuld luk lyk dis.
5. did you mean.. suggestions would be replaced by OMG NOOB!!11!! lrn2 spell.
6. Instead of a captcha for too many searches, Google would require you to drive it to the mall.
7. Google would over-react to rejected buyout offers with thoughts of bankruptcy.
8. The length of results returned would suddenly increase, almost overnight.
9. New product: Google Porn!
10. It would constantly be trying to act like the older, more mature Yahoo – while wanting nothing to do with the younger Bing.
11. Senators would be grandstanding about protecting the Google.

Let’s hear your suggestions. Now that Google is 13 and a teenager, what would be different if it actually were a teenager? (I was tempted to include some lines about plus, gmail, youtube, etc but those services aren’t actually 13 today – just the search engine)

Leave your suggestions in the comments and I’ll update this post with the best ones.

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