December 5, 2021

Fixing America’s Problems

I just posted this over on Shoutwire, but I know not all of my readers read that, so here’s the repost:

Look America, I love you and all, but you’ve been having a lot of problems lately and I think you need to start making some changes or this relationship isn’t going to work out.

I’m willing to give you some time, but you really need to address some key areas.

The Auto Industry

Jay Leno has a piece up on wired that hits the nail right on the head. Listen to him. Start building a good quality low level car. We all want to “buy American” but we won’t do it if your product isn’t as good as the competition and costs more.

Stop tying features to models and give me everything everywhere. There’s no reason a minivan should tell me my gas mileage but my Mazda6 won’t. Why doesn’t an ipod jack come standard now in every car? Why does my radio not show me the song title from the CD?

Make a good product and we’ll buy it. You may also want to remove some of the dealerships so you can scale back a bit. I don’t need 6 Ford dealerships within 15 miles of my house, but I have them.

The Mortgage Crisis

The housing market is going to hell because nobody can afford to pay their mortgage. That’s because most people have mortgages that they never should have been sold in the first place. We’re talking people who make $40,000 / year who have $300,000 homes because of low introductory rates that then skyrocket up.

This is because mortgage brokers get paid a commission when the deal is closed. If the people default on the first payment, the mortgage banker still gets paid. The banks are willing to take this bet too because they usually sell the mortgage to another bank up front for a discounted price.

That needs to change. Let’s pay mortgage brokers based on how long the mortgage lasts. If it’s a 30 year mortgage, we’ll pay you your fee over that 30 years. It’s less up front, but it’d make you re-think selling that $200,000 house to the Wendys manager.

Predators On MySpace

We’re always hearing about this one and I’m tired of it. What gets me is, why are these underage girls accepting a friend request with a 40 year old man anyway? Get rid of the friend count so it’s not a competition to see how many “friends” somebody can get. Also, make it so that if a 40 year old and a 15 year old want to be friends, that the 15 year old has to initiate it. Simply take away the “add to friends” option if I’m over 21 and the other person is under 18. Then, the only girls who will get raped are the ones who are actively seeking out old men – and that’s another problem entirely ( that I already addressed ).

Mexican Border Security

3 words: 1952-Mile WalMart. Americans shop in the front, Mexicans work in the back. It stimulates the economy and prevents illegals from entering by creating jobs.

Identity Theft

I solved this one earlier.

The Airlines

You can’t have a partially regulated industry. Either fully regulate it or get out of their damned way and let them run a business.

Having said that, start running the airlines with the attitude that you’re thankful I chose you, not that I’m lucky to have a seat. Treat me like a customer. Don’t insult my by charging me $3 for a bag of peanuts – just raise my ticket price $3 and give me the damned food.

If you’re really concerned about cost cutting, I don’t need 3 flight attendants (nor do I need a pepsi served to me on ice) for a 1 hour flight. Just sell bottles in the terminal and let me bring my own on (which I do anyway since you don’t have diet mountain dew on board)

Copyright

Ok, here’s the deal. Bands – if you’re not making enough money, read your contract before you sign it. Nobody’s forcing you to enter into agreements that you’re not happy with.

With that said, recognize that your songs aren’t the product – you are the product. Your music is promotional material to get people to come see you in concert. Put out a good CD and people will buy it. Give me more than 1 page of just thank yous in the liner notes. How about some pictures, lyrics, or stories about what inspired each song. I’d pay for that. Digital content that I can access by purchasing a CD is good too.

Taxes

Instead of taxing as a percentage of income, let’s tax based on what we use and consume. Let’s abolish the state income tax (as some states already have) and instead let’s adopt a more “fair tax” type of system. Tax the luxury items like fancy TVs, bottled water, and other non-essentials. But don’t tax my essentials (groceries, toilet paper, stamps, electricity, etc)

This way the poor don’t pay taxes unless they’re wasting their money, and the rich pay taxes on their frivolous spending (but not their income)

Steroids in Baseball

Hey, I like the long ball. If an athlete has a prescription for something let it go. It makes the game more exciting. If he doesn’t have a prescription for whatever drugs he’s on, charge him with the appropriate crime. This isn’t a job for baseball or congress, it’s a job for local law enforcement.

Welfare

I don’t like welfare. I can quote you all kinds of statistics about countries that don’t offer it have higher employment rates, etc. When it comes down to it though, there’s just too many people that are too good at playing the system.

Not to be confused with disability (if you can’t work, then yeah we should help you out,) there’s just no reason somebody should need to be on welfare for 3 years if they’re fully capable of holding a job.

As a former fast food manager myself (in college) I had several employees who would say things like “I can only work 10 hours this week or I’ll lose my welfare.” Sure, they’d have made more working 40 hours per week, but this way they got paid for working 30 hours by actually only working 10.

If you need welfare, great,I understand some people face hard times but let’s put some limitations on it. It’s good for 1 year. If you’re capable of working and still refuse to take a job, we cut you off. And while you’re on it, you have to show us at least 2 jobs per week that you applied for.

If you’re receiving welfare, you can’t have any more kids. Let’s provide free birth control and condoms for all welfare recipients with the stipulation that if you have another child you lose all your benefits (and if you can’t support the child, the state will take it from you.)

Also, if you’re capable of working and on wellfare, let’s put you to work. Let’s make them spend 15-20 hours per week picking up trash on highways until they’re motivated enough to work a real job.

There you go America. I just gave you a good start, now you have to show me you’re willing to put in the work on your end. You’ve got tremendous potential, but you need to sit down and focus on some of these issues. I still love you, but you need to show me that you love me back.

About Ryan Jones

Ryan Jones is an SEO from Detroit. By day he works as a manager of SEO & Analytics at SapientNitro where his team performs SEO for Fortune500 clients. By night he's either playing hockey or attempting to take over the world with his own websites - which he would have already succeeded in doing had it not been for those meddling kids and their dog. The views expressed here have not been paid for and belong only to Ryan, not any of his employers or clients. Follow Ryan on Twitter at: @RyanJones, add him on Google+ or visit his personal website: www.RyanMJones.com