Saltine Blues
January 1st, 2005 Ryan Jones
Wanna know something? I have no fashion sense. I?m not kidding, I wear orange and blue, khaki and grey, even pink and green. I?m a fashion disaster.
Now that I think about it, I have no taste in music either. My car doesn?t bump, I can?t dance to save my life, I don?t enjoy dancing at clubs. I definitely can?t hear Jimmi.
Save for hockey and tennis, I have no athletic ability. I?m no ?baller?, I ain?t got no game, I can?t take you to the hole, I can?t even jump. I?m a chump, if I score on you, you suck.
I drive a piece of shit car, and I know it?s a piece of shit. I can?t afford anything better than a piece of shit.
I am inadequately equipped. Ladies know this just by looking at me.
I do not enjoy math, I am no good at math.
I do not own my own business.
I do not go to a big name college.
I have loose morals.
I really have no fashion sense.
Truth is, I?m a cracker. That?s right, I?m white. It?s ok though, I?m cool with it.
I don?t complain when people get jobs over me because of their roots. I understand that I don?t deserve the job. After all, I?m just your ordinary run of the mill white boy. I?m a dime a dozen.
I cool with the fact that white guys like me don?t have our own TV station, national awareness months, magazines and radio stations geared toward us. I don?t need them, I?m ordinary. I?m the majority.
I?m cool knowing that some of you will call me racist, even though I just put myself down in the previous twenty-seven statements. I know that those of you who do completely missed the point of this article. But I can deal with it. I?m white. I?ve been dealing with it all my life.
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