May 29, 2023

Saltine Blues

Wanna know something? I have no fashion sense. I?m not kidding, I wear orange and blue, khaki and grey, even pink and green. I?m a fashion disaster.

Now that I think about it, I have no taste in music either. My car doesn?t bump, I can?t dance to save my life, I don?t enjoy dancing at clubs. I definitely can?t hear Jimmi.

Save for hockey and tennis, I have no athletic ability. I?m no ?baller?, I ain?t got no game, I can?t take you to the hole, I can?t even jump. I?m a chump, if I score on you, you suck.

I drive a piece of shit car, and I know it?s a piece of shit. I can?t afford anything better than a piece of shit.

I am inadequately equipped. Ladies know this just by looking at me.

I do not enjoy math, I am no good at math.

I do not own my own business.

I do not go to a big name college.

I have loose morals.

I really have no fashion sense.

Truth is, I?m a cracker. That?s right, I?m white. It?s ok though, I?m cool with it.

I don?t complain when people get jobs over me because of their roots. I understand that I don?t deserve the job. After all, I?m just your ordinary run of the mill white boy. I?m a dime a dozen.

I cool with the fact that white guys like me don?t have our own TV station, national awareness months, magazines and radio stations geared toward us. I don?t need them, I?m ordinary. I?m the majority.

I?m cool knowing that some of you will call me racist, even though I just put myself down in the previous twenty-seven statements. I know that those of you who do completely missed the point of this article. But I can deal with it. I?m white. I?ve been dealing with it all my life.

About Ryan Jones

Ryan Jones is an SEO from Detroit. By day he works as a manager of SEO & Analytics at SapientNitro where his team performs SEO for Fortune500 clients. By night he's either playing hockey or attempting to take over the world with his own websites - which he would have already succeeded in doing had it not been for those meddling kids and their dog. The views expressed here have not been paid for and belong only to Ryan, not any of his employers or clients. Follow Ryan on Twitter at: @RyanJones, add him on Google+ or visit his personal website: